somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
