I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
do herpes really smell.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
