If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
