We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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