id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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