evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
