Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize