mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
