did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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