Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
smell my finger.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
