Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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