Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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