no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
