If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize