apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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