I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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