im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
