Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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