I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
