I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
