I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
