hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
