he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
