I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
