When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
