I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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