You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
