omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
