Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
