She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
