Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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