if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
