i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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