Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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