My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
