she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
