I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
