Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
