i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
