Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
