The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
