Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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