I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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