Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
