just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
