My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
