filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
