It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
