The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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