I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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