Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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