He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
