Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
