the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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