my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
