I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
