i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
