Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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