the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
