Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
