Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
