Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
