Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
