We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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