my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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