i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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