Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
