apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
