I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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