And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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