So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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