you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
