I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
