I must be too annoying 4 u.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
